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Don't rush into getting married

janksunjoaq

Date: Tuesday, 02/04/2013, 18:49 | Post # 1

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Carolyn, Is there something to a long engagement? Ive been with a guy for about eight months now and were starting to talk marriage. Id like to get married as soon as possible partly because Im getting older, dont want a big brouhaha and want to be with this guy like NOW!
I know getting married inside Hermes Birkin Bag Black Silver a year will seem sudden to most people, but Ive been through the relationship cycle many times and at this point in my life feel I have a good grasp on what I want in someone Im going to spend the rest of my life with.
But I know issues come up during wedding planning that can bring out differences that will damage a marriage. And I guess Im Hermes Birkin Tote Bag Black Silver 25CM just not looking forward to all the questions about my rushing into things. Thoughts?
Anonymous
Thoughts: Your letter toggles between sounding as if you know who you are and what you want, and sounding like youre 17. I mean, who considers using wedding Hermes Birkin Tote Bag Red Golden plans as a compatibility test, what does getting older have to do with the soundness of a decision to marry and who cares what other people think?
The concern I have about your lets-get-on-with-it marriage impulse is not that you dont know what you want; no doubt you do. Its that it can still take time to see whether someone is all the things you believe him to be. Time is also useful for seeing how each of you responds to each others influence; you both want to bring out versions of each other that are close to your natural states.
At least give yourself time to outlast any wishful thinking and, if applicable, the peak of in-love shmoopiness, which can make annoying traits seem cute, important differences seem trivial and a besotted state seem like a sustainable one.
Add that to the aforementioned concern that youre letting yourself get distracted by superficial things, and I think it makes sense to have a moderate-length engagement. Not so you can plan a complicated event you dont even want, but so you can tame any sense of urgency and parse your own mixed message.
The pesky questions of people who want whats best for you are Hermes Birkin Handbag Crocodile Black Silver so inconsequential in the scheme of things that your concern for them is a flag. Are you concerned youre rushing, and ascribing that view to others? Are there doubts you cant get your mind around, motivating you to focus on issues that are easier to brush off? Is your sense of urgency to get married at all Hermes Birkin Handbag Crocodile Red Silver rooted in mindfulness Hermes Birkin Handbag Chocolate Golden of how you appear to others? Its not a rarity at the mid-30s mark, and it can cloud ones judgment about someone as surely as pheromones can.
Thats the question I suggest you put off your wedding long enough to tackle, even if its just a matter of months. Trust your inclination to keep it simple, so youre able to focus on the quality of the man and the quality of your relationship.